Wednesday, January 29, 2020

Toxic Family: Taking a Breather

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Toxic Family

With the holidays that recently passed and birthdays and other holidays coming up, I've been reflecting a lot on family. There's been many tears shed from the hurt that has been caused by some family members over the years. It's tough when your birthday, your kids birthdays or you as a person are not acknowledged. Personally, it has made me feel like my kids and I aren't considered part of the family.

When I think about family holidays and gatherings, I envision happiness and fun. Not, negativity and rude comments. When I think about family in general, the first thing that comes to mind is being welcomed with open arms and showing kindness and forgiveness. But, how do you deal with terrible things that are said about you and your children? Or when your children are completely left out?

It's especially hard when the main person that has caused the hurt and pain doesn't even acknowledge it and/or see the damage they've done. Or notice the separation between family members or even how much they've missed out on.

I've come to realize that I need to step away. Keep my distance. My kids are old enough to make their own decisions, but... for me, I have to take a breather. For my own sanity. The Bible teaches us to love and forgive. I can love them and forgive them for their actions and words... from a distance.

The hardest part for me is that I don't even know what I did so wrong to be treated this way. How can I fix this? I hope and pray that I never make someone feel the way my children or I have. Maybe I just need some time. To heal.

I understand that family is family. You can't necessarily choose them and sometimes you have to deal with being treated certain ways, but when is enough... enough? Maybe God keeps certain people in our lives at a distance for a reason.

Social media is a great way to connect with family and friends, but I've even had to cut my time down because it's painful to see family interacting with other family members and completely ignoring you. I know that I may sound overly emotional... maybe I am... but to be completely honest... it's hurtful.

I avoided writing this for quite a while because I want this to be a happy place. But... I thought maybe someone else is going through the same thing and needs to know that they're not alone. And... it's ok to take step back. There are many Bible verses on toxic relationships and I'm going to be reading up on those. Also, there are a few books that I found on Amazon that I would like to read as well such as Boundaries, When to Walk Away and The Christian's Guide to No Contact that may be helpful.

Have you had to deal with toxic people in your life that are very close to you? How did you deal with it? Have you taken a step back? Have you just limited the time you spend around them?

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